Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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