So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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