I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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