I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
