and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
God, I missed his penis.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
