Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
