you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
