I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
