Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
