dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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