NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I believe in your delicious
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
