U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You smell like a Billy Joel song
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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