Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
