4 words: hood of his car
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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