I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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