mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
