woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
