I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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