Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
