Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
