Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
