Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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