grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
