He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If I had your ass I would rule the world
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
