I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Are my feet made of real feet?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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