i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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