somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
