He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
