You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
