is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
