I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
