no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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