i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
