i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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