i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There are leaves in my underwear?
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