i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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