I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
