would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
