Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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