so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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