Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
