I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
