she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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