I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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