Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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