Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
