I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
