Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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