I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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