I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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