yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
